At my therapist’s office a few years ago, tears streaming down my face…
Me: I just wanted to be adequate for a year and have people not care that I was just okay at life.
Me: But it didn’t work. People weren’t okay with it. It hurts to feel like I let people down.
Me: I want to get back to that place where I am super high functioning. (Thinking she would help me work through some big break through to release me back to my old hustle.)
Me: (deeply confused) I mean, we just talked about why.
Her: So. So what? Those people wanted more from you. What do you want?
Me: I feel so lazy some days. I sometimes just want to meander through the day, in my own head, processing all the things I am thinking and feeling.
Her: Of course you do. What comes from that?
Me: My best work…my writing, my understanding of where I need to lead a team, problem solving of tough situations.
Also me: Ugh..
Here is the thing, on social media, I look like a really high functioning woman who has blog posts go out every week, and deep thoughts plastered on images, and all the things. Those things only happen when I am quite lazy compared to the rest of the world.
I have to have time to reflect, to pause, to connect dots between new science I have read and my lived experience. The ancient wisdom of the concept of sabbath isn’t out dated, it’s necessary.
I can’t outrun the feeling of lazy by being more productive because it costs too much. I lose the best gifts I have to offer.
Maybe, this pandemic crisis is causing you to detox a bit from your busyness. Go get you some lazy so you can find your best gifts.