It’s the new year.

It’s the time of the year where you’ll be reminded that most likely you will be in the statistic of people who fail at their new year resolution unless you’re good enough to just be better. It’s the time of year when health people think, “if I just had the algorithm to fix this for people I would be a millionaire.” We don’t. Health professionals don’t have the algorithm. Stop believing there is some fix that someone can sell you for just the right amount of money. Instead, this year, consider this.

I have a friend. She is a safety engineer for jet engines. She needs people to tell her when something did not go the way it was supposed to so that it can be fixed ASAP. She told me about how she had to create a culture of compassion and safety in her work so that people are comfortable saying, “I screwed up.” Then she and I talked about how we had to get comfortable doing that for ourselves.

The people who have had the most success working with me are those that get comfortable with their screw ups.

They create a culture of love for themselves, just enough to gently consider their failures. Then they can get closer to the ways they blew it so they can study them and learn new things about what went wrong and why. Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem in the same consciousness in which it was created.” What he meant is you better get curious.

Whatever thing you are telling yourself this new year to keep yourself motivated, throw it out. Don’t tell yourself this year will be different if you just have enough motivation, discipline, control. No. That’s not going to do it. If you haven’t gotten messy with yourself, you are approaching this as the same person with the same consciousness this year as you were last year when you said those things.

This year, don’t set another goal. Get a therapist, get a life coach, get a spiritual director and walk toward your failures and setbacks and messiness. Face the pain in gentle, loving, compassionate ways. You are loved beyond measure. Your failures don’t define you, you don’t have to outrun yourself. You are worthy now, not when.