well, I have tried to write a post about my mom for the past three years, and I cannot find the words to say what she means to me. And y’all know I love my words. So if I can’t find them, well..you get the gist. She’s all the things to me.
Remember in my last post when I talked about getting help to face your failures and love the heck out of yourself? This woman who is nurturing and motherly and otherwise known as a saint.. well she has struggled with treating herself well when it comes to her health. So she did the thing. She got a life coach.
My mom and I are both learning about what it means to take good care of ourselves. Let me share a recent text exchange we had. I was lamenting about someone who let me down.
Mom: Don’t focus on them.. focus on all the good things about your family.
Mom: You don’t need them. We have to surround ourselves with good people and ignore the others… they are poison for us.
Me: Dang! You’re life coach is working wonders!! I love it!!
Mom: Dad tells me he likes my new attitude.. just trying to find myself.. at 66 no less.
Me: You’re either growing or you’re dying. I hope I am still finding myself at 66.
Mom: Oh good. I think I am growing! Hopefully internally instead of externally. lol.
This might not seem that phenomenal to you. From the outside it looks like a mom being fiercely supportive and it is that. What’s interesting is that normally by mom would have lamented with me. She would have honored the hurt, but never has she been so bold as to name the energy and refuse to indulge it. This is growth.
To enter this growth is to get really gently, vulnerably, compassionately real with yourself. You might think, “okay so now she is just able to call out negative energy.” But the reality is that small shift means that she also isn’t responsible to it. My mom and I, one of the reasons we aren’t so good at self care is we are “all-care”. We care for everyone and everything even if it is detrimental to us. We have to learn to stop. Naming unhealthy energy is her catapult for self care.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 72. You’re either growing or you’re dying.